How to Break Up with Your Therapist

Have you finally found a therapist, but something isn’t quite right? The classic excuse “it’s not you it’s me” may or may not apply here. Oftentimes, when clients aren’t feeling a connection to their therapist it may have a lot to do with the therapist. That’s not to say that the therapist is bad, just that it’s not the right fit. For some people, it’s a gut check; there is just something about the sessions that doesn’t work or feel right and it’s important to listen to your gut. For others, it might be this underlying feeling of being judged or feeling bad in session when sharing an update and feeling as though they disappoint their therapist. Or simply, you may be going to therapy for months and don’t feel better or don’t feel like you’re making any progress. It may be the feeling that your symptoms haven’t changed, that you haven’t developed any new skills you feel have helped you or that you haven’t gained insight to your feelings and actions. No matter the reason, it’s a signal to yourself that it’s time to break up with your therapist. 

Given that it likely took time to find a therapist and you are still in need of support, you can continue to see your therapist while you search for a new one. There are often waiting lists, so you can decide if you want to continue with your current therapist while you wait or stop meeting all together. Other alternatives could be changing your sessions from weekly to biweekly while you explore other therapists. Factoring in major life events is important as well so you know you will have support set up if needed. 

Many therapists will tell you from the beginning that if this doesn’t feel like the right fit, it’s ok to seek help from someone else. After all, the point of therapy is that it’s supposed to be helpful and make you feel better. There are many ways to express why it’s time for you to move on, one could be, “I feel that this is not a good fit for me and next week will be my last session”. As a client, you are the customer and the therapist is providing you a service. If the sessions aren’t giving you what you need, you are entitled and should absolutely find someone who can. 

In my post about how to find a therapist, I talked about how it’s incredibly important to have a ‘meet your therapist’ call before you start your sessions. If that isn’t available I would suggest calling to set up the intake and asking questions. The questions will give you an idea of how the person practices, paying attention to feelings that come up in this short interaction. Did you feel comfortable and calm when you spoke? Did their explanation of how they practice bring you hope and relief?

Therapy is about building skills, gaining insight, feeling heard and supported and this can happen with the right therapist. Finding the right therapist can also be a journey and with the right guidance and support, you can find exactly what you are looking for.