A Letter to Moms: Whatever you choose, it’s OK

I have the pleasure and honor of working with and hearing from mothers of all kinds in my therapy work. Throughout my career as both a therapist and a mom, I realize that so often, we just need to be validated. There is so much noise in our life and social media and parenting “research” telling us what we should and shouldn’t be doing and even when we know better, we are all human. We are vulnerable. We are striving to do a good job. We are all just doing our best.

So, my friend, I’ve written a letter to us all. I want you to read this anytime you find yourself questioning. Replace my sentiments with anything you’re struggling with right now if it hasn’t been covered. We all need and deserve compassion. This is for you.

Hey mama,

In case you need to hear this...

It's okay if you like working outside the home for pay while some other caring person looks after your child(ren). Even though you love your children. Even though you thought you might stay home with your kids. Even if your family and friends expected you to stay home.

It's okay if you like being the primary caregiver for your child(ren) and would prefer not to work outside the home for pay. Even if you used to love your job above all else. Even if you have been on a promotion track. Even if you moved mountains to get into the career you are in.

It's okay if you like working for pay part-time outside of the home while you work part time as a caregiver to your child(ren). Even if you don't see this as a possible path, it's okay to want it and explore it.

Whatever you want is okay.

And while you're here, I'll just also say...

It's okay if you breastfeed.

It's okay if you bottle feed.

It's okay if you pump.

It's okay if you don't.

It's okay if you babywear.

It's okay if you don't.

It's okay if you send your baby to daycare on a day when you don't work outside the home for pay.

It's okay if you keep your baby with you when you're not working outside the home for pay.

It's okay to ask for a night off from family tasks.

It's okay if you don't want to miss a night of family tasks.

It's all okay.

You might need to get still and quiet so you can ask yourself what you want. And once you know, it's okay (and GREAT!) to try to make it happen. You'll need to reassess often. What feels right today, won't necessarily feel right in a few weeks, months or years.

Whatever you feel is okay.