Easing the Back to School Transition
Transitions can be hard, especially when shifting from preferred to non-preferred activities. As parents and caregivers, you can expect a plethora of emotions from yourselves and your child(ren) especially when trying something new. Making and holding space for these emotions (positive or negative) can be rewarding and challenging. Being mindful of your own stress (good or bad) and how it may be affecting your children is important.
Think for a moment about the behavior of your child during a preferred activity- are they engaged, interested, attentive, driven, excited? Now, think of them during a non-preferred activity- What does it look like, sound like, feel like? How do you respond internally and externally? The more we know about how we respond to expected and unexpected behaviors, the more prepared we will be when they show up.
Here are a few things to think about to help encourage the development of more expected behaviors around back to school transitions.
1. Prioritize Sleep. Start shifting bedtime back to pre-summer hours (go to bed and wake up on the schedule that you would for school/daycare, etc). This doesn’t have to be done weeks beforehand, it can start a few days before school starts again. Coupling this with a developmentally appropriate conversation about getting back into the school routine, why it is beneficial for your children's body/brain and overall well being, is a good place to start. Including children in these conversations helps them gain some ownership and become part of the process.
Questions to ask yourself: How many hours of sleep does your child typically need to feel well rested? What time do they need to wake up for school? How much time do they need before bed and before school to accomplish what needs to be done?
2. Re-establish Routine. Along with shifting bedtime, it is also a good idea to put back into place your bedtime and morning routines, if they were shifted. If you haven’t established them yet, here are some good questions to ask your child and/or co-parent.
Questions to ask yourself: What is their a.m./p.m. hygiene routine? Do they have one? Do you want them to have one? What time do you expect them to be in bed by/out of bed? Lights out by? How can you shift some responsibility over to your child? Do they have a clock in their room? Does laying clothes out the night before work for your family? Do they have a routine visible for them if they need help remembering?
Older Child Example: “Let's practice setting your alarm so your body and brain can get back into a routine for school. Can you show me how your alarm works?” Engaging your child in the process gives them control over the situation and allows for autonomy to develop and healthy routines to set in.
Younger Child Example: “School or daycare is starting again soon, what is your favorite thing to do at bedtime to help you fall asleep? Read books, sing songs, listen to stories?” Giving your child(ren) options gives you both control of the outcome. These quiet activities turn into routines that children can find comforting.
3. Establish a Family Schedule. Establishing a family schedule helps not only with your family’s functioning for the week, it also offers your child comfort in knowing what is coming. It is important to model flexibility and adaptability when our schedule changes, as it most likely will, but having visual and verbal reminders of what to expect offers a wide range of skills to build upon.
Questions to ask yourself: Is your family schedule visible for all those who need to see it? Have you established a good time and space to talk about the week ahead?
4. Familiarize Your Child with School. Drive by or through campus, take a trip to the playground, use your child’s teacher’s name often and ask “wondering questions” about what their teacher might be looking forward to this coming year.
Questions to ask yourself: Are you using strength-based language? We want our children to know we are confident in them. We don’t want to interview for pain or worry. We can ask them what questions they may have and answer those we have answers for. If they are feeling worried or anxious, normalize and validate the feeling. Knowing they are not alone in this feeling is helpful. Tell them a story about one of your first days of school or ask them more open-ended questions about the worries that are coming up for them.
5. Stay Child-Focused. We all carry our own feelings about transitioning to school, summer ending, or separation anxiety, so it is not uncommon for parents to project some of our own feelings and experiences on our children.Try hard not to insert your worry or stress into these conversations. Let your child drive the conversation or exploration - being a listening ear is one of the most positive roles you can take in easing a major transition. If need be, connect with your child's teacher, they are there to help!
There are so many resources available for school transitions and I’ve included many below. If you find that your back-to-school transition feels out of the ordinary in difficulty, we always encourage parents to reach out to us for a free consult. Between parent coaching or therapy, it’s valuable to get a professional opinion who can guide you toward more support.
Resources:
Worried or Anxious feelings before trying something new or transition: Expect worry to show up and prepare a reminder bridge ahead” - Lynn Lyons
Books for parents of young children:
All are Welcome- Alexandra Penfold
The Crayons go back to school- Drew Daywalt
Ruby finds a worry- Tom Percival
Websites
Lynn Lyons - Back to school Anxiety and what not to do
Kids Health - Back to School (for parents)
Helping Young Children and Parents Transition Back to School