The Impact of Stress on Parenthood
With Mother’s Day coming up, self-care seems to be a theme. And mothers are searching for ways to de-stress and relax.
The question is, how do you practice self care to de-stress?
For years, I always thought of self care as going to the nail salon, taking a yoga class or meditating. After becoming a mom, I slowly started to realize that self care could be five minutes alone in the car before pick-up or reading a book before bed instead of scrolling Instagram. Self-care can look different for everyone and certainly doesn’t have to be an expensive gym membership or day at the spa.
I recently learned about a collaboration between Caitlin Murray of Big Time Adulting and Kate Kane, Jewelry Designer. The 14k gold collection is designed to remind you every day that YOU matter. Many of us know that moms often put others before themselves and the idea of having a collection focused on ‘you’ is so important. When it comes to self-care it’s about taking care of yourself.
When We’re Stressed, the Whole Family Feels It
We have all been there, exhausted and irritable at the next thing on the to do list. Whether it’s bath time or making lunch, we lash out at our partner or our child and it may or may not have anything to do with them. Or maybe it’s not an outward expression of frustration, maybe you internalize the feelings and withdraw and become quiet. Truth is, no matter what response style, our children notice and feel it. Our kids can tell when we are stressed or distracted and usually we notice the impact after it feels ‘too late’.
The Power of an Apology
I am a firm believer in the power of an apology. The idea that it’s too late doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for repair. I often have the least amount of patience on my way to work, where I drop my son off at school first. On an average day, I have to tell him to put his coat on 3 times, shoes on 2 items and get his backpack 4 times. I then, in my not so wise mind, decide to explain to him on the car ride to school why I am so angry and tell him how simple it is to just listen to me when I ask him to do something.
Here is where the apology comes in. I will always say sorry and name the behavior I am sorry for. I am sorry I raised my voice and yelled at you, next time I am going to try harder to talk to you in a calm voice. Every time he tells me it’s ok Mommy (Mom guilt REALLY kicks in when he says this) and then he says he will try harder to listen. I don’t always get it right and definitely will raise my voice again but I try to model that I’m human and make mistakes and that I care about his feelings. This is a long winded way of showing the impact on stress. I get angry and lose my sh*t when I’m stressed out and the impact is how I speak to my son and the level of patience I have with him.
What does self-care look like FOR YOU?
If you are reading this and scrolling for the highlighted notes of ‘what to do’, I think it’s simple and hard. Find time to take care of yourself and find things that help bring you relief. For me, it’s taking a couple extra minutes by myself before I pick up my son, to prepare for the afternoon to bedtime stretch. When my stress is higher and a few minutes to myself won’t do the trick I know that I need to ask for help and delegate tasks or ask family for help. Whatever it is that works for you, make that time special and one of your top priorities.
A little reflection goes a long way, here. Instead of sharing more ideas of what I think might help you, I encourage you to ask yourself: What is creating stress for me? What can I do about it? Where can I offload some of this stress? How do I WANT to feel? And, most importantly, what is one small change I can make today to improve my stress for tomorrow?